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20 February 2011 @ 12:47 pm

Barney: Good Times.
Ted: Uh oh, we lost Barney.
Robin: What do you mean?
Lily: There's a girl over there in a tight red sweater. So he's not listening to a word anyone's saying. Right, Barney?
Barney: Give Me a Break!
Ted: See, he figured out a while back he could fake an entire conversation just by saying titles of black sitcoms from the 70's and 80's.
Barney: What's Happening?
Lily: Hey, Barney, want to go upstairs and do stuff to me that I won't even let Marshall do?
Barney: Different Strokes.
15 February 2011 @ 02:46 pm

Ted: I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship. This is love.
Marcus: Wuss.
Marshall: Marcus! This is a private conversation! (Marcus hangs up.) So what'd the wuss do next?
13 February 2011 @ 07:56 am

Honey: My apartment building is so safe. My landlord-- he even installed a security camera in my shower.
Marshall: Oh, honey.

Marcus: Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop Hertz Donuts. Would you like a Hertz donut?
Marshall: Sure. Hey, where's the...? No! Aah!
Marcus: Hurts, don't it?
08 February 2011 @ 08:47 pm

Marshall: So then they break up. He would be all depressed, we would wait the appropriate amount of time then we'd would tell him how we really felt.

Ted: Karen and I broke up.
Lily: We hated her!
Marshall: Bitch had to go!